Tonight I took a few minutes to revisit a hill that overlooks my City. I have prayed and processed many thoughts here over the years. This hill is at the end of the parking lot of my first apartment in York.
One year ago my life looked so different. One year ago my future looked so different.
And as I navigate what forward looks like for me now, I have had to process where God has brought me from. One of the best ways to believe God for more is to reflect on how faithful He has already been. So I wrote my one-year-ago self a letter.
You have no clue what is about to happen. You are getting ready to enter the most devastating season of your life, but this letter isn't to scare you. It's actually to remind you about the faithfulness of God. Even though you will feel like quitting, don't.
You are going to entertain conversations and process life-change at a level that you never anticipated. At times you will feel lost and overwhelmed. At times you will feel defeated and disqualified. But hold on.
Remember who you are in Jesus. You are His son. All of the other hats that you wear are important, but you are going to have to rest in the fact that even when you don't feel like it, God has a plan for your life. Keep going.
Remember the words that you preach. Every week and sometimes every day you remind people that they don't have to do life alone. You say God is mindful. You tell folks that God is not done with their story and you share hope in the darkest seasons of other people's lives. Remember all of those words for yourself. You are going to need them.
Last but certainly not least, you need to know that the brokenness will only be for a season. Seasons change. In fact, you need to know that your faith and hope cannot be circumstantial. You have to continue to walk out your faith regardless of what that looks like. And as you do, God will be right there with you.
It's going to be difficult to see far in front of you, but such is life sometimes. Keep breathing.
You are about to find yourself on the ground. Fear, pain and disappointment want you to stay there, but don't. In time, once you learn how to breathe again, get back up. When the time is right you will have the opportunity to start living outside of the pain of the past again and then you can help others follow suit.
The word reminds you that Jesus won't leave you or forsake you. He meant that. And the anxiety attacks, they will only last for a season. Keep breathing.
God is going to give you every promise that He has spoken over you. You will feel like you matter again on the other side of this. Jesus will restore everything that the enemy has stolen. He will provide along the way. Your perspective is going to change for the better. Forgive every day. Hold on to what is good and let go of the rest.
You are going to experience God's presence in ways that you did not know were possible. And the desire of your heart to have a family, that's not lost. God is going to bless you with a family in your own home one day. It is going to be far greater than anything that you ever expected. Don't give up hope.
One year from now your life is going to look so different. One year from now your future is going to look better than ever because Jesus is just getting started.
(Post from January 18th, 2017)