I'm not quite sure when it happened, but at some point in my 34 years on this planet I became fascinated with lights like these. It's difficult to articulate why, but every time I see string lights draped across the evening sky and lit up they give me hope.
They are small enough that they may be insignificant to most, but for me they create a space for something magical to happen. When I first saw these particular lights during the day a few weeks back I made a decision to come back to see them lit up and tonight was the night.
I walked around the shopping center for over an hour waiting for the timer to release power to bring these dull, vacant shells to life. For me it was well worth the wait. Anything that ushers in an opportunity to hope is worth the wait.
Like some of you that are reading this, I've walked through many losses too. I don't have to know your pain to know it's real because I've had my own. What keeps you going?
I have had to make some very difficult decisions in the last few years. I've had to process brokenness that I never expected to come to my doorstep. Sometimes we don't get to choose our circumstances.
As I sit here admiring these small glimmers of hope and writing these words, I feel the presence of the Lord. The breeze is a reminder of God's faithfulness to sustain me when debilitating anxiety attacks literally took my breath away. When things that really matter to you are stripped away, you realize what keeps you going. And in the last 2 years of my life I have become more aware of God's presence than I have ever been.
Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He never leaves or forsakes us. He offers us rest when we've forgotten how to spell that word. He still gives us beauty for ashes and regardless of the despair or devastation that is the end result of a seemingly unmanageable storm, if He does not tell the wind and waves to stop, He rides the storm out with us. He does amazing work with broken pieces and nothing is impossible when He has editorial control of a situation or life.
I look forward to dancing again. I can't wait to build a family. All in His time. I continue to dream and pray and write and serve and wait with great expectation because God is good at what He does. Because He has carried me through so many difficult seasons, I can only imagine what may be ahead.
Like many of you that find yourself in-between, I wait. Sometimes impatiently if I'm honest, but God is growing me even through that. His pace and plans are better than mine.
Anything that ushers in an opportunity to hope is worth the wait. Nothing is wasted. Keep breathing.
Lights will guide you home.
(Post from October 14th, 2017)